More Than A Decade Of Destruction

2012-02-14T13:49:00.000-08:00

2012-02-14T13:48:00.001-08:00

Tick tock, tick tock.

The clock is ticking.

I just want to get this over and done.

Come quick.

Can't take it anymore.

2012-02-12T07:10:00.000-08:00

Another day.

Another day of worrying.

Another day of praying.

Another day of contemplating.

Another day of hoping.

2012-02-10T10:11:00.000-08:00

2012-02-10T10:10:00.001-08:00

2012-02-09T07:50:00.000-08:00

Everything is so much easier when you're a teenager...

2012-02-08T17:18:00.000-08:00

2012-02-08T03:56:00.000-08:00

True love.

Haven't really found one.....

2012-02-07T10:09:00.000-08:00

Sensation watches over me I can't describe it.

Pain I felt so long ago, I can't seem to perish it.

Strength I found was the only thing that succumbed it.

I don't remember, don't remember how I ignore this pain.

It seems to go away without me even realising it but only to come back again and again, driving me 'insane'.

Don't worry I'm fine. I'm fine because I've got people who love me that cares. People who would help me stand up on my own two feet and fight.

Fight this pain away.

2012-02-06T02:58:00.001-08:00

2012-02-05T06:24:00.001-08:00

I miss my best friend.

Dear Huda, I miss talking to you. You were always there whenever I need you, whenever I'm falling apart, whenever I'm 'losing my mind'.

You were there to save me through the darkness and brought light into my life.

You are the greatest friend ever.

Being far away from you now and not being able to just meet you and talk you, I'm lost. I don't know where to turn to, who I can rely on to hear me. You were the only one who understands me ever since we were teenagers and will always do. You know me throughout. You give me hope.

I don't know what to do without you, I don't where to turn to.

I need you my friend.

I miss you so much.

I thank god for a friend like you, alahamdullilah,

I guess for the mean time, I have to fight my demons alone.

I hope that I'm strong enough to fight them.

2012-02-04T08:31:00.000-08:00

I know I want this so much. I just didn't realised that there would be so many obstacles that I need to go through.

My temptations, my emotions they are getting the best of me right now.

I know I'm better than this. I know I'm capable of defeating my temptations, my emotions.

2012-02-02T18:06:00.000-08:00

I miss my buddy... =(

2012-01-30T19:52:00.000-08:00

I can't control my anger and I've been about to explode far too many times.

2012-01-26T08:39:00.000-08:00

Change starts next week =)

2012-01-23T10:46:00.000-08:00

I feel so happy today.Weird but I LIKE IT. =)

2012-01-22T07:49:00.000-08:00

I'm afraid to even sleep now...

2012-01-19T03:16:00.000-08:00

The tummy spins whenever I think about it. This is not good. This is bad. Oh god please I pray that everything will be alright.

2012-01-18T07:08:00.001-08:00

I've kiss so many lips it has blocked my mind...I thought I've found the one a million times.

2012-01-15T12:04:00.000-08:00

I just can't wait for the month to end.

Can't wait to rock and party.

I've never been so productive before in my life.

I guess pressure is my best friend.

It gives me the motivation to work hard......and of course to work smart.

Dear god, please give me the knowledge and strength to get through the days of my revision for the exams and of course I pray that I will do well.

Thank u.

2012-01-15T04:46:00.000-08:00

I've come to realise that I haven't been appreciating much of my life. I'm blinded by all the little upsets in life. So one day I decided to sit down and just stare at the view of my window and try to appreciate the good things in my life. Everything suddenly makes so much sense now. I am thankful. What happened to me? I'm always a happy person. Why am I letting small things that upsets me spoiling my appreciation of my life? Hell no.. That ain't going to happen no more. This hair cut is a symbol. A theraphy to show that I have left all the negative experiences I've faced last year. I'm a new person now and I have to say that I'm feeling good. I'm moving on into the future with a big smile on my face.

And, despite being far away from my Mum, I am thankful for the family I have here.

2012-01-12T11:35:00.000-08:00

The biggest mistake I've ever made was letting u into my life.

2012-01-07T19:31:00.001-08:00

I'm having second thoughts about you.

Damn.......

2012-01-06T20:30:00.000-08:00

2012-01-06T08:19:00.000-08:00

I'm back to the bench, pressin.......

2012-01-05T20:01:00.000-08:00

Oh no! I need to pull my head out of my ass!

I really need to wake up.

I'm panicking! Oh help me god.

2012-01-05T06:19:00.000-08:00

2012-01-05T06:15:00.001-08:00

Walk away, please release me from this hell and pretend that none of this is real.

2012-01-04T16:53:00.001-08:00

2012-01-03T15:14:00.000-08:00

It's raining again there's a dark cloud over your head.

It follows you around and it's bringing you down.

It's raining, it's raining again.

2012-01-03T07:13:00.000-08:00

Cause sometimes you just feel tired, feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up.

But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.

2012-01-02T09:35:00.000-08:00

I don't want someone telling me what to do.
I don't wanna find out my temper grew wings.

Don't want somebody telling me what's not right but I just want you to love me.
Oh I just want you to love me.

I don't wanna have to lie bout what's inside.
When there's always been a tiny part of me I'm trying to hide.

I don't wanna see your expression when I let you down and I just want you to love me.
Oh I just want you to love me.

There's a haiku poem inside of my head but the words are written in invisible ink.
Now the world is changing I can barely keep up.
What was hot is over.
What was down is not.
Now Adam and Eve are trying to split up and I can't take anymore because I just want you to love me.
Oh I just want you to love me.

Love me.

2012-01-02T05:19:00.000-08:00

Can we work it out?

Can we be a family?

2012-01-01T18:55:00.000-08:00

Words can't describe how much I miss Chester so much. He's my clubbing, movie, Starbucks, pool and shopping company. You know someone that I can always rely on whenever I feel like hanging out when I'm so bored at home doing nothing.

You're always one call away.

Miss u man. Love u too.

2012-01-01T14:44:00.000-08:00

2012-01-01T05:47:00.001-08:00

I want to black out the sun....take down the moon, switch off the stars n paint the sky black.

2011-12-30T06:01:00.000-08:00

2011-12-30T05:48:00.000-08:00

Bye 2011.I really think u suck. Yes I did just say that. But no matter how bad 2011 was, I got to thank god for giving me the strength to get through it all. Yes god, you gave me the strength and I'm still here right now feeling alive even though at times I feel that life is bringing me down. I'll never stop fighting these obstacles thrown at me. So all I have to say to the challenges I'm going to face this New Year is, 'BRING IT ON!'

2011-12-29T14:07:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to 4get that I'm addicted.......

2011-12-28T07:49:00.000-08:00

Great. Just great. Now you had me thinking.

Killing my appetite.

2011-12-28T04:25:00.000-08:00

I'm worried.Yes I am.I know I am.I can't keep on lying to myself.I'm worried I won't make it.The motivation is gone.I need it back.I need it back bad.Dear god, forgive me if I have sin. Please guide me to the light.

2011-12-27T10:16:00.000-08:00

I turned a bit of my pain into a song,then carried on.

2011-12-27T01:59:00.000-08:00

I've lost my motivation.I need it back.I can't screw this up.God please guide me 2 the light.I don't want to disappoint everyone.

2011-12-24T09:34:00.000-08:00

Headache.A bad bad headache.Just great.I have so much more 2 study and now the headache is preventing me from focusing.

2011-12-22T04:28:00.000-08:00

I woke up 2day with tears in my eyes.I was crying in my sleep but I'm actually crying in reality.

2011-12-21T08:02:00.000-08:00

2011-12-20T10:20:00.001-08:00

Describes what I'm feeling right now....

2011-12-18T10:15:00.000-08:00

I don't need anger management,

I don't need words to calm me down.

I need something more than that.

Something that could make me feel light?

Something that when consumed would make me burn this anger away.

2011-12-18T10:14:00.000-08:00

2011-12-18T10:10:00.000-08:00

Missed the office nonsense.. =D

2011-12-17T05:01:00.000-08:00

What a night........

2011-12-15T06:40:00.000-08:00

Still waiting for the snow to come..................

2011-12-02T13:58:00.000-08:00

Home, so far away from home.

Missing home so much.Missing the family back at home so much.

Thank god for the family that I have here in Liverpool.

The family I have here brings me joy,laughter,fun and a place where I can speak my mind out.

Love u people.God bless.....

2011-11-02T13:45:00.000-07:00

Ok I am in a predicament right now. The school is going to cut my access to my computer and library access because apparently they have not receive the payment for the 1st installments of my accommodation fees. =(

I did and I repeat, I did already set up a payment plan. Apparently now I'm supposed to pay the 1st installment online. So I did that but hell no I can't because the bank have not sent me my BANK CARD. So how in the the hell am I supposed to make payments online if I don't even have my card number!Argh!I'm so sick of the same issues I have with the payment of my school and accommodation fees!

IT'S BEEN MORE THAN A WEEK AND I STILL HAVE NOT RECEIVE MY BANK CARD!!!!AAAAARRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!I'm so hot right now.

2011-10-31T13:11:00.000-07:00

2011-10-30T14:16:00.001-07:00

Please hear me out out....
All I wanna do is just talk talk talk to someone.

2011-10-27T06:48:00.001-07:00

There's a part of me that wants to follow u....

2011-10-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

Beautiful.......
Waiting for that moment, to fall in love.....again.....

2011-10-10T13:56:00.000-07:00

2011-10-04T13:52:00.000-07:00

I miss them all.................................

2011-09-26T23:54:00.000-07:00

It's been 2 weeks. I think I can say that I've settled down. I think........................................I was down with the flu for 2 days. The body is still trying to adapt to the extremely cold weather here. Don't be fooled by the sun.
I'm blessed to know that I have supportive friends here who takes care of me. However, nobody can ever replace mummy's care.

2011-09-25T15:34:00.000-07:00

School officially starts tomorrow. =)

2011-09-18T20:28:00.001-07:00

I'm half way there....Alhamdulillah n thank u got for this opportunity.I'm at my 1st step of chasing my dreams.Amen....

2011-09-14T03:50:00.001-07:00

Contemplating..
Circling in my head..

Sent from my BlackBerry.

2011-09-13T04:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes,I eat more than I gym. :)
Sent from my BlackBerry.

2011-09-12T12:22:00.000-07:00

2011-09-12T12:04:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine once told me....

"Take a look around and please see that there are still beautiful things in life."

I replied by saying,"You don't know what it's like being me and walking through my so called 'repugnant' life."

Sorry.I'm just being myself.

2011-09-12T00:10:00.001-07:00

2011-09-11T11:17:00.001-07:00

Always been forced to learn the HARD way....
Wish I could change everything,make it go away....

Sent from my BlackBerry.

2011-09-11T11:14:00.000-07:00

Sent from my BlackBerry.

2011-09-11T11:12:00.001-07:00

Something's wrong..
I hold my head....

Sent from my BlackBerry.

2011-09-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

2011-09-11T10:58:00.001-07:00

There's never a right time to say goodbye.....

2011-09-11T00:11:00.000-07:00

2011-09-11T00:05:00.000-07:00

I came so far...

I'm so close to my 1st step of my dreams....

Everything is slipping away now....

2011-09-05T16:33:00.001-07:00

Feeling so angry,frustrated,confused right now...
I want to kill.........
I'm about to explode...
Liars everywhere..
U people deserve to suffocate in your own breaths...
I want to eliminate them...
I want to destroy...
Mark my words...
In the future I will never ever bother to lend a helping hand...
This I promise...
My only intention,only dream is to provide a better life for my mother in the future..
After everything that she has been through,after all the sacrifices she made.....
I will fight for my dreams..
God...u can throw me every obstacles in this life..
I'll fall and keep on rising over n over again till I reach that goal...
I'll do whatever it takes,I'll sacrifice every blood,sweat n tears for that goal..
I'll never back down...
Sent from my BlackBerry.

2011-09-02T23:42:00.000-07:00

Dance through the night..................

2011-09-02T23:40:00.001-07:00

I'm feeling like a shit running out of luck right now....seriously............

2011-08-31T17:16:00.001-07:00

Reality is really a fucked up dream....
Sent from my BlackBerry.

2011-08-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

It's Hari Raya..
Feels like a normal day though..

Sent from my BlackBerry.

2011-08-28T07:31:00.000-07:00

No you don't know what it's like..............

2011-08-28T07:26:00.000-07:00

2011-08-24T02:47:00.001-07:00

I can't stop thinking.
The head hurts,overwhelmed with so many thoughts.
Things are a mess everywhere I go.
I'm so full of anger.
I'm full of disappointment.
All I want to do is cry but crying will not ease the pain and it will not end every mess.

Sent from my BlackBerry.

2011-08-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

One of the people in my life who keeps me sane..... :)
Sent from my BlackBerry.

2011-08-20T08:36:00.001-07:00

Who would have expected it?
Who would've known?
Mistakes happens.
It's inevitable.
We don't mean to make it.
We wish that we can make everyone understand that we're really sorry.
We mean it from the bottom of our hearts.
One must be a 'GOD' if one is so perfect.
We promise ourselves that regret will not waste our life again.
Promises are meant to be broken.

Sent from my BlackBerry.

2011-08-14T09:12:00.000-07:00

The moment I got home after a tiring journey in the ferry from Batam,the first thing I saw was my Mum with tears in her eyes.
Sometimes I have to admit that this is one of the reasons why I would prefer to be away from home for a long period of time......
Sent from my BlackBerry.

2011-08-12T07:58:00.000-07:00

If only I was born another time.........

2011-08-09T05:53:00.001-07:00

2011-08-09T05:39:00.002-07:00

2011-08-09T05:39:00.001-07:00

Today is like any other ordinary day.......

2011-08-07T02:03:00.000-07:00

2011-07-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

2011-07-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

Spending the Friday night and Saturday night at the hospital with my Mum.Oh dear.....Dear god, I pray that she'll get better soon.

I can't stop worrying.There are other things in my mind right now that are bugging me besides this.

2011-07-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

Another day goes by.I want to change my life but another day goes by.If I could change it,I'll rearrange it.I'll make sure that everyday I will live this life to the fullest and I will damn well ensure that I am feeling happy every single day even though things might not go the way that I would like it to be.I will not let any mistakes or people to bring me down.I will always look forward to a brand new day.

But heyyyyy

2011-07-24T09:52:00.001-07:00

2011-07-19T09:07:00.000-07:00

2011-07-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

Troubled...

I'm always feeling troubled..

Worried...

I'm always worried...

Abject...

Abject is a word I would like to describe what I am feeling overall but it's such a strong word to describe the feeling inside...

Hiding...

I'm very good at hiding and confining these feeling deep inside...

Anger...

I'm poor at controlling my anger...

Distraction...

Distraction is the solution to forget and leave alone the anger...

Smile...

I'll put on a fake smile and keep on telling myself there are still positive things in god's world...

2011-07-17T07:43:00.000-07:00

2011-07-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

Love the way you dressed,
Love the way you are.
Can't keep my eyes of you whenever we see each other.
Trying to hide my feelings.
Deep inside I know you are the one for me.
Overwhelmed by disappointment seeing you with her.
I wish you are mine.
I wish that we are together.
Wishes don't always come true.
I'm helpless.
I can only wish you well...

2011-07-10T09:17:00.000-07:00